Given that we are seeing the first declarations of candidacy from politicians who would like to secure the Republican nomination for president in 2016, I think it’s an appropriate time to examine the scourge of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) in the Not-As-Grand-As-It-Used-To-Be Old Party.

I’m a sixty-something, white, male American. In addition, I grew up in Texas, and I’m a combat military veteran (Viet Nam, 1969-1970). Based purely on those statistics, I should be watching Fox News every night, perhaps while wearing a tricorn hat and cleaning a 9mm semi-automatic handgun (which I would own in case those Liberal Marxist Socialist barbarians, or worse yet, The Government, ever try to come take my freedoms away from me). I should also be voting for Republicans every time I get a chance.

But I don’t. Watch Fox News, I mean, or vote Republican, either. Why not? I think it is because I’m a nice person, and most contemporary Republicans are not nice people.

Why do I make this assertion, you ask? I believe it is because the Republican Party suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).

Following are a few of the characteristics of BPD and how they appear to manifest themselves in the GOP:

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment
a. Impassioned and sometimes irrational exhortations regarding patriotism, including  meaningless phrases like “Support the Troops” and “Feed Jane Fonda to the Lesbian Whales”.
b. Appeals to the Christian God to intercede and “save” the country.
c. Passionate warnings that (pick one or more) gay marriage, abortion, national healthcare, gun control laws, reasonable immigration reform, are evidence that Socialist rot is destroying the foundations of the Republic, the End Times are at hand, and the Christian God’s wrath will be called down upon us if we don’t just stop all this nonsense right now!

A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation
a. Mainstream, “adult” conservatives versus moderate Conservatives (admittedly, an oxymoron these days) versus Tea Party Conservatives versus Ted Cruz versus …

Identity disturbance, such as a significant and persistent unstable self-image or sense of self
a. We’re Original Intent, Constitutional Literalists (a.k.a., Scaliaists).
b. No, we’re Compassionate Conservatives.
c. No!  We’re God-Fearing, Gun-bearing, Red-blooded sons of the soil, and a bulwark against the onslaught of Socialism and the Radical Gay Agenda.

Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)
a. “If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.”
b. Government shut-downs
c. “I think even if life begins in that horrible situation of rape, that it is something that God intended to happen.”
d. The House of Representatives has voted over fifty-four times in four years to destroy some aspect of the Affordable Care Act (a.k.a., Obamacare)

Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior
a. See “Impulsivity”, above.

Emotional instability due to significant reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety)
a. See: Limbaugh, Rush

Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)
a. Rep. Louie “anchor babies” Gohmert
b. Rep. Michael “I’ll break you in two” Grimm
c. Rep. Jody “homosexuality enslaves people” Hice

Transient, stress-related paranoid thoughts or severe dissociative symptoms
a. See: Tea Party, NRA, The Faith and Freedom Coalition, et cetera.

If any of these conditions describe your socio-political positions, you are probably a Republican.

Do not go to the VFW hall, a sports bar, or the local gun shop. This is a mental health emergency. Call 9-1-1 or drive immediately to the nearest emergency room.

I repeat: This is a mental health emergency!